Assertiveness is not something that comes particularly easily to some people and these people often convince themselves that it is not worth their time and energy to even try and be assertive. However whilst this is an easy excuse it is not correct. Learn the benefits of being assertive on our Assertiveness Training Course in Brighton, Sussex.

People who are more assertive than most are more likely to be fulfilled in their work and their lives as they are not afraid to ask for what they want or go after it. It is also the case that due to this attitude it is far more likely that they fulfill their potential, again both socially and at work. In turn this will lead to them being more satisfied with their lives and so more happy and at ease. They will not be as stressed as others since they have less to be stressed about and live healthier and happier lives.

The same cannot be said for those who are too passive or afraid to ever be assertive. Whilst those who are assertive are more likely to be successful and more fulfilled at work, for those who are too passive the opposite is all too often true. Due to not being able to be taken seriously or make themselves heard, they will not have achieved  as much as they could have and are left less than their potential and ability dictated they could achieve. The same can be said outside of the workplace, i.e. their social lives.

On the other hand however those of us who are too aggressive will again only help to hinder their performance both in and out of work. They will often be too abrasive for many people to get along with, this means that people won’t want to work with them, and they certainly won’t want to strike up any relationship with them. Getting along with people is a big part of any working environment and is a necessity if you ever wish to progress through the ranks.  Being too aggressive will also harm those around you as they are may be too afraid of you to offer any opinions or ideas and so your very presence is stifling to any creative thought, it is also true that because of this you alienate you from your team members and you will be left out.

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Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness Training on April 17th, 2009 | No Comments »

The balance between passivity and aggressiveness can sometimes be a difficult thing to find. Many find themselves being too passive in a situation which demands a more direct and confident approach, whilst others, in an effort to correct this, are too aggressive and domineering. Assertiveness is neither being passive or aggressive but rather making your opinions be heard, recognised and respected. It is the ability to withstand outside pressure and bias and stay true to what you know is right. Understand the advantages of being assertive on our comprehensive Assertiveness Course in Brighton, Sussex.

Assertiveness and leadership often go hand in hand and whilst it is true that leaders often are assertive, it does not mean that they are the only ones that should be. For instance if we take a look at the dynamic of a team, it doesn’t take much to see that if some members of that team are holding back their ideas because they are too scared or feel that their opinions won’t matter then the team will struggle to achieve the best result. On a more individual note assertiveness can benefit your career, you social status and even  help you define a better sense of who you are, enhancing not only your ability to reach your goals but the self belief to dream of such goals in the first place.

One of the fundamental elements to being more assertive is to believe what you say matters whilst, and perhaps this is often overlooked, respecting other people’s opinions. Being assertive means not only making yourself heard but also taking into account what other people are saying to achieve the best results. Assertiveness is not bloody mindedness; it is being clear and direct without being so overly dominant it sets people against you.

When talking to someone turn to face them, look them in the eye and speak clearly and confidently. Be willing to give an honest opinion and don’t be afraid to say no, saying yes does not always equal respect, it is the confidence and determination to stick to your guns that people will admire. Be pro active, start conversations, this way it’ll be you who’s immediately setting the tone for the relationship, don’t dawdle or beat around the bush, if you want something ask for it, there is no point in stumbling out a mumbled question which will only result in you having to repeat it, which will undermine and embarrass you.

It is also worth noting that people will respond better to any aggravation you have if you do not blatantly direct it at them, for instance instead of saying “you make me so angry”, say “ I am so angry”, there is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings but make sure you don’t make the situation worse by hurting anyone else’s.

It is not just what you say, but how you say it. Your facial expressions and tone of voice are an important factor in determining the dynamic of a relationship and can often mean more than what you are actually saying. Don’t be too cautious about letting your sense of humor show, it is not a weakness, in actual fact it is a strength, if you find something funny don’t be afraid to laugh, you will often find other people will join in after they see it is O.K to do so. In fact if this situation does arise and other people do join in it is a good sign, it means that you have become the person that the group looks to for guidance, your opinions and even your approval.

Assertiveness is a balance between self belief and respect and can be a somewhat difficult one to get right. Being assertive has many benefits and it is certainly the case that whilst you may feel you are doing just fine as you are, if you don’t back yourself and your own opinions then neither will anyone else.

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Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness Training on March 16th, 2009 | No Comments »

by Sanjay.B on Flickr

A study by american psychologists claims that simply behaving in a bold manner can make you happy. Their research supports the idea that any extrovert behaviour has a positive impact on your mood. This research is documented in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

You can develop your assertiveness skills  on our public assertiveness training courses in Brighton, Sussex.

“I don’t think it’s the only way to find happiness, but I do think it’s a neglected way,” said Associate Professor Will Fleeson, a psychologist at Wake Forest University led the study claims that although it is not the only answer to finding happiness it is a much neglected way of achieving a good self image and a positive feeling, saying “People too often look outside themselves for things to make them happy.”

There were 50 students involved in the study. They recorded answers to set questions on palmtops for up to 10 weeks, recording their moods and activities. Bold or outgoing activities such as singing aloud, freestyle dancing, and plucking up the courage to approach someone they found attractive boosted the mood of the student for some time after the event or action.

Professor Fleeson remarked that: “Every single student in the study was happier when he or she acted extroverted than when he or she acted introverted…Even introverts can act extroverted and become happier by changing their behaviour.”

So whether you are alone or in company making a concious effort to be more extrovert, singing in the car or shower, dancing to some music or approaching others to initiate conversation can make you feel happy. Activities such as climbing mountains or going for a brisk walk can have a positive effect. Practice being more talkative or more assertive, voice your opinion or ask more a questions.

Fleeson promotes the idea that your happiness is ultimately in your own hands, it comes from the inside not from the outside. It’s up to you to choose to become more outgoing, even if you are reserved and shy by nature you can work on this little by little by choosing to practice some of the things mentioned above. Be a little more assertive, adventurous, outgoing etc – you have the power to be happy.

A range of techniques for improving your assertiveness are covered on our 2-day Assertiveness & Confidence Building training course

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Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness Training on October 9th, 2007 | 4 Comments »

confronting your boss - image by JD Hancock

Dealing with issues at work is covered on our Assertiveness Training Course in Brighton, Sussex, a summary is provided below:

Understand the situation.

Realise what it is exactly what you want and the reasons behind this before you talk to your boss, if you fail to collect and talk about your thoughts and feelings in a coherent manner then it is unlikely you will be listened to. It is also necessary to appreciate your boss’s position, don’t be unreasonable in what you ask, this will only put your boss in a position where they have to say no. Most boss’s you will encounter will not like saying no as it makes them out to be the bad guy however you have to give them something to work with first.

Take a look at the big picture.

Make sure that it is a worthwhile issue to confront your boss over. Confronting a superior is never an easy thing to do and getting worked up about something which doesn’t matter will only serve to set you back in the long term.

Accept the consequences.

If, after taking these previous factors into account, you still decide that you want to confront your boss then you must come to terms with the consequences of your actions. Depending upon what issues you bring up and the manner in which you do so these consequences will differ, and maybe for the better in some cases. However by bringing the issue up in the first place you should fully understand the repercussions of your actions.

Be respectful

Don’t go in all guns blazing, it can be easier than you would think to overcompensate and go from being assertive to being rude. Remember who it is that you are talking to, whoever it is and whatever they have done they are still your boss and insulting them or getting too worked will only spell bad things in your future. Try and be calm and direct, maintaining the employee-boss relationship but whilst making your opinions heard. Don’t raise your voice or be too aggressive no matter what the situation this will only make matters worse.

… But avoid becoming too passive.

The trick is to find the balance between being aggressive and being too passive. If you feel you are being manipulated or unfairly treated then politely and calmly reassert yourself and redirect the conversation back to your side of the issue. It can be easy to be intimidated by a boss and you can often find yourself, just through sheer force of habit, agreeing whilst in actual fact you are being wronged. The thing to remember is that you are entitled to an opinion; you won’t get in trouble for bringing up an issue. The area which you might encounter problems however is in the way in which you bring this issue up, be assertive but not rude and at the same time not being too passive.

What it boils down to in the end is making sure that you pick the correct fight and finding a balance between being too aggressive and too passive. It is not easy, but with a valid issue and the right approach you should be o.k.

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Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness Training on April 3rd, 2009 | No Comments »