“Never feel bad for being assertive, speaking your mind, and putting your foot down. What you think is anger, others see as a good solid display of self-esteem. ” – Alison James
This guest post from our Assertiveness & Confidence Building trainer Sophie explains how assertiveness leads to improved self-confidence. The full 2-day workshop covers techniques for confidence building and boosting self esteem.
Positive communication
It is important to note that being assertive is not about being aggressive.
Assertiveness is a form of positive communication that can be learnt and applied to all areas of your life. It is the skill of knowing and defending your rights but at the same time understanding that others have rights too.
When someone is asserting themselves their primary focus should be on reaching a joint solution, which meets the needs of both people involved. In other words ‘I’m OK and you’re OK’. It is not about getting angry or making someone bow to your demands. This type of aggressive communication is manipulative and threatening and not at all considerate of other people. Equally other non-assertive ways to communicate include passive and passive-aggressive behaviours. Read the rest of "How Being Assertive Leads to Greater Self-Confidence"
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Posted by Guest Author in Assertiveness Training, Management Skills Training on February 10th, 2012 | No Comments »
Wanting to be approved of and a fear of disapproval can turn many people into ‘yes people’. How many times have you agreed to do something without really wanting to? In the short term you may think this makes you more popular, but are you really getting the respect you crave? Does it make you feel good about yourself or do you end up feeling unappreciated, used, angry, taken advantage of?
If you are a person who finds it hard to say ‘no’ try the following exercise. You will need to ask a trusted friend to help you. With regular practise you can learn to change your habits.
- Remember when you last said yes when you meant no.
- Explain to a friend what the situation was.
- Ask your friend to ask the same question you were asked in one sentence, don’t draw it out, and keep it simple.
- When your friend starts to ask the question say a firm ‘NO’!
- Get them to step back when you say no, then take a step forward and repeat a firm ‘no’ with a little more determination.
- Repeat the exercise at least ten times.
- Write down how you felt, focusing on the positive, and keep the piece of paper.
The next time you want to say ‘no’ remember the positive feeling and just say it. If you feel the need to explain keep it very short. If they come back with another appeal simply say no again.
You need to convince yourself that you are in control of your life before others will treat you the same way. Remember, nobody can make you do something you don’t want to do, if you let them control you they will, but it is YOU who is handing over control. If you begin to take control of yourself then others will learn to treat you differently.
It may be hard at first as some will still see you as easily swayed, but if you stick to your guns and be consistent, they will have to learn to change their behaviour too.
Learning to say No assertively is covered on our assertiveness and confidence building course in Brighton, Sussex.
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Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness Training on October 2nd, 2007 | No Comments »
