The balance between passivity and aggressiveness can sometimes be a difficult thing to find. Many find themselves being too passive in a situation which demands a more direct and confident approach, whilst others, in an effort to correct this, are too aggressive and domineering. Assertiveness is neither being passive or aggressive but rather making your opinions be heard, recognised and respected. It is the ability to withstand outside pressure and bias and stay true to what you know is right. Understand the advantages of being assertive on our comprehensive Assertiveness Course in Brighton, Sussex.
Assertiveness and leadership often go hand in hand and whilst it is true that leaders often are assertive, it does not mean that they are the only ones that should be. For instance if we take a look at the dynamic of a team, it doesn’t take much to see that if some members of that team are holding back their ideas because they are too scared or feel that their opinions won’t matter then the team will struggle to achieve the best result. On a more individual note assertiveness can benefit your career, you social status and even help you define a better sense of who you are, enhancing not only your ability to reach your goals but the self belief to dream of such goals in the first place.
One of the fundamental elements to being more assertive is to believe what you say matters whilst, and perhaps this is often overlooked, respecting other people’s opinions. Being assertive means not only making yourself heard but also taking into account what other people are saying to achieve the best results. Assertiveness is not bloody mindedness; it is being clear and direct without being so overly dominant it sets people against you.
When talking to someone turn to face them, look them in the eye and speak clearly and confidently. Be willing to give an honest opinion and don’t be afraid to say no, saying yes does not always equal respect, it is the confidence and determination to stick to your guns that people will admire. Be pro active, start conversations, this way it’ll be you who’s immediately setting the tone for the relationship, don’t dawdle or beat around the bush, if you want something ask for it, there is no point in stumbling out a mumbled question which will only result in you having to repeat it, which will undermine and embarrass you.
It is also worth noting that people will respond better to any aggravation you have if you do not blatantly direct it at them, for instance instead of saying “you make me so angry”, say “ I am so angry”, there is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings but make sure you don’t make the situation worse by hurting anyone else’s.
It is not just what you say, but how you say it. Your facial expressions and tone of voice are an important factor in determining the dynamic of a relationship and can often mean more than what you are actually saying. Don’t be too cautious about letting your sense of humor show, it is not a weakness, in actual fact it is a strength, if you find something funny don’t be afraid to laugh, you will often find other people will join in after they see it is O.K to do so. In fact if this situation does arise and other people do join in it is a good sign, it means that you have become the person that the group looks to for guidance, your opinions and even your approval.
Assertiveness is a balance between self belief and respect and can be a somewhat difficult one to get right. Being assertive has many benefits and it is certainly the case that whilst you may feel you are doing just fine as you are, if you don’t back yourself and your own opinions then neither will anyone else.
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Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness Training on March 16th, 2009 | No Comments »
Being assertive is all about being in the right frame of mind and having the right attitude. You have to be not only willing and able to try your best but to also have the self confidence to make your opinions heard and your work noticed. You can have all the talent and ability in the world but if you don’t have the right attitude you are going to find it very hard to ever get anywere. Techniques for developing the right attitude and challenging your beliefs are covered on our 2-day Assertiveness course in Brighton, Sussex.
The simple truth is that in a workplace or company poeple are only interested in themselves at the end of the day. They want to do as well as they can and so should you. This is not a bad trait and it does not meant that all people are selfish or nasty it just means that they want to fulfil their potential.
Believe it or not this works to your advantage, this is because people who want to go far will want to work with the best, so as to get the best results. So if you can somehow establish yourself as one of the best or someone who at leasts knows what they are doing you are immediatley more of an attractive proposition to any one tihnking of putting together a team etc.
However getting to be thought of as “one of the best” is not an easy think to accomplish, it takes confidence, self belief and knowledge. What you have to realise is that you will not be judged for trying to get acnowledgement for your work or making your opinion heard, indeed this is highly valued as it helps to motivate and spark other ideas even if yours is not the one they choose in the end.
Assertiveness is all about self belief and making your talents known, it is a purely mental exercise in assuredness, confidence and ability.
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Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness Training on April 27th, 2009 | No Comments »
Your opinion matters - image by JD Hancock
People often complain that their opinion counts for very little in their respective work places. But no matter how victimised that person may feel they must come to the realisation that it is no ones fault but their own. If you allow yourself to become just another anonymous face in the background then it is obviously going to be difficult to get your voice heard and respected.
Techniques to get your opinion heard at work are covered on our Assertiveness Course in Brighton, Sussex. Some of the important factors are:
Self belief.
This is perhaps the most important aspect of being assertive and getting people to respect your opinion. It’s an old cliche’ that if “you don’t believe in yourself no one else will” but its there for a reason. Being brave enough to hold firm to your opinions and ideas is a quality that people will admire in you not hold against you. However there is a difference in self belief and being too stubborn to admit you are wrong.
Being Pro active.
“Nothing comes to those who wait”, yet another cliche’ that is none the less still valid. What you must realise is that you have gotten into this situation because you allowed yourself to be pushed around and easily led. Don’t wait for chances; seek them out, and when you do find them make sure you make the best of them.
Know what you are talking about.
Never bluff. You may be able to fool people in the short term but in the long term you will only damage both your reputation and the project. Instead make sure that you know what is going on, that you understand what is needed and how to do it. Knowledge is the ultimate dividing factor and can make you indispensable; the “go to” guy. A person can be as loud as they like but if they are wrong it counts for nothing.
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Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness Training on April 22nd, 2009 | No Comments »
