We cover a range of techniques for improving your assertiveness on our 2-day Assertiveness Skills course in Brighton, Sussex. Here are our top tips for being more assertive.
Practice Speaking up when you have an idea or opinion
This is one of the most important assertiveness skills and gets easier the more you do it. Once you overcome any anxiety about speaking up you will feel better about yourself, your relationships should improve. If you are used to keeping your opinions to yourself even when it is important to you learning to speak up can be quite liberating.
Practice Standing up for your opinions and stick to them
When you know that asserting yourself may cause conflict it is more difficult to do, but it is important to remember that your opinions are as valid as anyone else’s, even if they tend to be louder then you. Don’t be afraid to say what you think, what is the worst that can happen? In the long term it can be more distressing to harbour resentment from not expressing yourself than facing the conflict involved with showing your true feelings. That does not mean that you have to be rigid, you can change your mind, but not out of fear of what others might think or say. You will gain respect from others standing firm when it matters.
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want
People who are not assertive by nature find it hard to ask of others, however if you simply ask reasonable requests of others you may be surprised how willing others can be to help. Practice asking people for little things and don’t feel bad about asking.
Practice saying no
It’s OK to say no to things you don’t want to do. If something makes you uncomfortable or you haven’t got the time or if someone makes you feel overwhelmed it is reasonable to say “I’m sorry but I can’t”. You can still help others when you have the time or when you want to, but if you can’t you don’t have to feel guilty or obliged.
Learn to accept compliments
Say thank you when someone compliments you, don’t feel embarrassed. You don’t have to start blowing your own trumpet, just smile and accept.
Learn to accept constructive criticism
Nobody is perfect, don’t take it to heart when someone gives you feedback that is not positive. Learn from them, say “yes I see, thank you”. If on the other hand someone is really insulting you unecessarily you would need to stand up and say I don’t think that is appropriate/true, I don’t like being spoken to like that.Learn to tell the difference. It is OK to be wrong sometimes.
