confronting your boss - image by JD Hancock
Dealing with issues at work is covered on our Assertiveness Training Course in Brighton, Sussex, a summary is provided below:
Understand the situation.
Realise what it is exactly what you want and the reasons behind this before you talk to your boss, if you fail to collect and talk about your thoughts and feelings in a coherent manner then it is unlikely you will be listened to. It is also necessary to appreciate your boss’s position, don’t be unreasonable in what you ask, this will only put your boss in a position where they have to say no. Most boss’s you will encounter will not like saying no as it makes them out to be the bad guy however you have to give them something to work with first.
Take a look at the big picture.
Make sure that it is a worthwhile issue to confront your boss over. Confronting a superior is never an easy thing to do and getting worked up about something which doesn’t matter will only serve to set you back in the long term.
Accept the consequences.
If, after taking these previous factors into account, you still decide that you want to confront your boss then you must come to terms with the consequences of your actions. Depending upon what issues you bring up and the manner in which you do so these consequences will differ, and maybe for the better in some cases. However by bringing the issue up in the first place you should fully understand the repercussions of your actions.
Be respectful
Don’t go in all guns blazing, it can be easier than you would think to overcompensate and go from being assertive to being rude. Remember who it is that you are talking to, whoever it is and whatever they have done they are still your boss and insulting them or getting too worked will only spell bad things in your future. Try and be calm and direct, maintaining the employee-boss relationship but whilst making your opinions heard. Don’t raise your voice or be too aggressive no matter what the situation this will only make matters worse.
… But avoid becoming too passive.
The trick is to find the balance between being aggressive and being too passive. If you feel you are being manipulated or unfairly treated then politely and calmly reassert yourself and redirect the conversation back to your side of the issue. It can be easy to be intimidated by a boss and you can often find yourself, just through sheer force of habit, agreeing whilst in actual fact you are being wronged. The thing to remember is that you are entitled to an opinion; you won’t get in trouble for bringing up an issue. The area which you might encounter problems however is in the way in which you bring this issue up, be assertive but not rude and at the same time not being too passive.
What it boils down to in the end is making sure that you pick the correct fight and finding a balance between being too aggressive and too passive. It is not easy, but with a valid issue and the right approach you should be o.k.
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Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness Training on April 3rd, 2009 | No Comments »
In life there are three response styles a person can take when they are confronted with a problem or issue, these are; passive, aggressive and assertive. In children it is important to teach them early on how to cope with these situations in a healthy manner. What you obviously don’t want is the child becoming too aggressive, this will lead to confrontations and set at trend for the rest of that child’s life.
If on the other hand the child is too passive then this will lead to it becoming socially vulnerable and feeling unfulfilled and maladapted. It is therefore fundamental that a child is taught the correct balance between being too passive and too aggressive, otherwise known as assertiveness, if they are to achieve their potential and live a happy social life.
Being assertive will teach the child to respect others and to respect themselves, giving them the ability to say no, the confidence to believe in themselves and the self esteem to go after what they want. Teaching your child to be assertive is giving them the foundations of success early on, not necessarily just in a working environment but socially too.
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Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness Training on May 6th, 2009 | No Comments »
Its never too early to learn good assertiveness skills
Kids have a tough time at school. You can’t always be there to help them cope with playground politics or bullying, assertiveness skills can help them especially if they are shy or sensitive children.
Some ways you can help your children to learn healthy assertiveness:
Be a role model for your children
Even when your views are unpopular teach them by example that is OK to show your opinion, even if it is uncomfortable it is OK, and that it is OK to stand up for the rights of others too.
Be democratic at home.
Debate, and listen to your children’s opinions even if they do not match your own. Let them know it is ok not to agree with someone but it is always important to listen and accept others opinions.
They should know that you value others that speak their mind respectfully. Praise them when you notice them doing this. Let them know that you respect their opinions.
Provide opportunities for them to join group activities, or lead.
Kids gain that confidence is by entering into activities, clubs, team building, etc. and the earlier the better. Let them take control of a project.
Teach your children C.A.L.M. assertion
C – Stay Cool If you get upset, ticked off, cry, pout you don’t appear as confident.
A – Assert yourself. Teach your child a few comeback lines to say in different situations.
L – Look the person in the eye. The best way to appear more confident is by using eye contact.
M – Mean it. Teach your child the difference between how a wimpy and a strong voice sound. Then encourage your child to assert himself using a strong and firm tone–but not yelling tone–to get his point across.
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Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness Training on February 3rd, 2009 | No Comments »
