Wanting to be approved of and a fear of disapproval can turn many people into ‘yes people’. How many times have you agreed to do something without really wanting to? In the short term you may think this makes you more popular, but are you really getting the respect you crave? Does it make you feel good about yourself or do you end up feeling unappreciated, used, angry, taken advantage of?
If you are a person who finds it hard to say ‘no’ try the following exercise. You will need to ask a trusted friend to help you. With regular practise you can learn to change your habits.
- Remember when you last said yes when you meant no.
- Explain to a friend what the situation was.
- Ask your friend to ask the same question you were asked in one sentence, don’t draw it out, and keep it simple.
- When your friend starts to ask the question say a firm ‘NO’!
- Get them to step back when you say no, then take a step forward and repeat a firm ‘no’ with a little more determination.
- Repeat the exercise at least ten times.
- Write down how you felt, focusing on the positive, and keep the piece of paper.
The next time you want to say ‘no’ remember the positive feeling and just say it. If you feel the need to explain keep it very short. If they come back with another appeal simply say no again.
You need to convince yourself that you are in control of your life before others will treat you the same way. Remember, nobody can make you do something you don’t want to do, if you let them control you they will, but it is YOU who is handing over control. If you begin to take control of yourself then others will learn to treat you differently.
It may be hard at first as some will still see you as easily swayed, but if you stick to your guns and be consistent, they will have to learn to change their behaviour too.
Learning to say No assertively is covered on our assertiveness and confidence building course in Brighton, Sussex.
