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It is easier to be assertive in some situations than in others. With your partner or you boss you may find it difficult to ask for something for fear of making them angry or upset. It is much easier to risk upsetting a stranger, a shop assistant or call service operator. However the more important the relationship is to you, the more important it is to be assertive. Assertiveness leads to increased respect from others; they will begin to see you as a person who respects him/herself, a worthwhile person. Ultimately this makes you easier to live with! Learn the appropriate moments to be assertive on our Assertiveness Course.

In any situation, however it is important to consider whether you can live with the consequences of your assertive actions. There are people who will almost always react negatively to assertive people. A dictatorial and aggressive boss may be known for being aggressive towards any request that is not immediately to his/her benefit. You could risk losing your job if you choose an assertive stance. You could decide to leave your job, but if this is not an option you will need to learn alternative stress management techniques.

If you have been non-assertive for a very long time, those around you are going to be in for a bit of a shock when you change your behaviour. They may be confused or angry. It may be better to discuss what you are trying to do and why you are trying to do it before practising being assertive with them. It is important to remain compassionate; remember being assertive is not about always getting your own way.

Choose your moment carefully and don’t be accusationary, focus on the ways a situation makes you feel and express this rather than blaming the other person for the need to change your behaviour. Then tell them how you mean to deal with those feelings, for example:

“When we do this or that, I feel frustrated or overwhelmed; I don’t feel I have the space to express my point of view. I am afraid to upset you and then I resent the fact that my feelings have been overlooked even though I know I haven’t expressed them. So what I need to do in future is ask you to stop and let me express myself, or to give me time to think before giving you an honest response.”
It sounds reasonable doesn’t it?

Similar resources you may like

1. About Assertiveness
2. Why be Assertive?
3. The Benefits of Being Assertive
4. How to be Assertive?
5. Tips for Being More Assertive

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appropriate times to be assertive, Assertiveness, Assertiveness Training, confidence, When to be Assertive

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This entry was posted by Heather Buckley on Wednesday, February 7th, 2007 at 9:24 am and is filed under Assertiveness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.