People who suffer from a compulsion to please others in order to gain approval, or the feel constant fear of the disapproval of others usually have low self esteem. We offer effective an thought provoking Assertiveness and Confidence Building Course in Brighton, Sussex. For more information on the next Assertiveness Training Course call 01273 622272.

Do You Suffer from an Addiction to the Opinions of Others?

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you worry about what others people are saying or think about you?
• Are you sometimes afraid to act even when you think you have a good idea or your intentions are good?
• Do you spend more than you need to on clothes, cars,  home furnishings etc?
• Do you constantly seek approval or avoid disapproval?
• Are you afraid to speak in public?
• Are you afraid to speak your mind?

The addiction to approval otherwise known as the disease to please, can get in the way of living. It is impossible to practice healthy assertiveness if you are constantly afraid of disapproval. Does it really matter what someone else thinks?

Decisions that are inhibited by worry about what other people might think are driven by a need for approval, and/or ensuring that we don’t receive disapproval from others. The need for approval has been conditioned in us from the day we were born.

Many believe that approval from others builds a sense of higher self-esteem, however to constantly deny oneself in order to appease does exactly the opposite. Why then do we convince ourselves that the recognition of others matters to our self worth and how deeply we value ourselves.
Before making any life changing decisions we worry what our spouses, family, friends and colleagues will think of us. Of course when the lives of others will be affected by a decision this may need to be factored in, but what they they will think of us should bear little weight, and sometimes we need to make decisions that others will not be pleased about.  For example sometimes it is necessary to make decisions to change a situation that is making you increasingly miserable despite the consequences. A career change, a house move, or ending a relationship for example. Sometimes the only solution is to do what is right for you, no matter the outcome. When you are able to let go of caring too much about what other people think and make your decisions free and clear of other people’s opinions, you can easily and powerfully move forward and make changes in your life.

This doesn’t just apply to the big decisions either, a new haircut, a new routine, giving up a responsibility that has got too much, all decisions can be effected by worrying too much about what others might think.

Some people sweat over every detail before taking a decision, they do not ask for advise but they take a lot of time and worry about every detail.  They choose to make their decisions on their own as a way of avoiding being rejected. Others constantly seek the opinions of others, asking for their approval in ways such as, “Do you agree?,” “Am I right?,” “Do I look OK?,” and  “Am I doing the right thing” They simply can’t move forward without the validation from others.

Have you ever come up with an idea that you thought was brilliant, just to be knocked back by a lack or support or a derogatory comment. You have allowed someone else to stop you before you ever had the chance to get your idea off the ground. Your dream just died because the opinion of someone meant more to you than your dream. What makes their opinion more important than your brilliant idea? – You do! Imagine if the founders of Apple, Facebook and Google gave up the first time someone told them “no”.

An addiction to the opinion of others affects every area of your life, it represses us, it stunts our creativity, it lowers our self esteem (even though we do it for the opposite effect – how mad is that?) “If I do this, they will say that. ” “If I say that they will do this” If you let yourself  constantly worry about other peoples opinions you will never be happy because you will always believe that people are judging you. Also if people are judging you  – what makes their opinion more important than yours? – You do! Wake up – it is not easy being miserable so that everyone else is OK and thinks that you are great. The truth is probably more like people will have more respect for you if you are not afraid to respectfully share your opinions, and if you have the confidence to challenge people or situations when you feel it necessary. OK you may find yourself in some difficult situations at first (difficult for you because you will usually avoid confrontation at all costs even to your own detriment) , but people will have to treat you differently or at least acknowledge your opinion  and that can feel liberating, magic even if you are not used to it. Nothing is for ever, every mood and situation passes, and it’s OK to do something even if it doesn’t suit everybody.

When we believe our opinion counts and make decisions, do things and say things independently, regardless of others opinions we are more likely to make decisions that move our life forward because we’re no longer holding ourselves back. Remember that – it’s not those other people who hold us back – we give them control without even letting them know! To live according to the opinion of someone else  is to hold yourself back.

It takes practice and courage to not place any level of importance on someone else’s opinion. Remember, an opinion is not fact. It may not even be the truth. It is merely someone else’s view about an issue that is based solely on personal judgement and therefore should not have any impact on your choices!

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Benefits of Being Assertive, confidence, confidence building, disease to please, self esteem

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