Assertiveness

• May be confused with aggressive behavior, however, assertion does not involve hurting the other person physically or emotionally.
• Aims at equalizing the balance of power, not “winning the battle” by putting down the other person or rendering her/him helpless.
• Allows you to express your legitimate wants, needs, feelings, and ideas and creates honest relationships with others.
• Gives other individuals a right to respond to your assertiveness with their own wants, needs, feelings, and ideas.
• May involve negotiating a new solution with another individual. Assertiveness does not imply I win/you lose.
• Concerns not only what you say but also how you say it.
• Includes asking directly for something you want.

Non-Assertive, Assertive and Aggressive Styles

• Non-assertive – failing to stand up for oneself or others, being ineffective in standing up for oneself that one’s rights are easily violated.
• Assertive – standing up for oneself in such a way that does not violate the basic rights of other people. Being direct, honest, and using an  appropriate expression of one ’s feelings and opinions.
• Aggressive – standing up for oneself in such a way that violates the rights of the others, using humiliation.

Good Assertiveness Skills Basics

• Say what you feel
• Maintain direct eye contact
• Maintain erect posture
• Speak clearly and audibly
• Do not whine or sound apologetic
• Use body language

Examples of Assertive Behavior

• Basic –a sample expression of standing up for one’s beliefs, feelings or opinions.
• Empathic –expressing feelings or beliefs, while relating sensitively to another person.
• Escalating –beginning with a basic assertion and progressing your feelings and ideas if the individual is unresponsive to your expressions
• Confrontive –the other person ’s words conflict with you ideas and beliefs

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