In this post our trainer Shaun guides you through how to forge strong relationships with the different people you meet each day including, if you’re a trainer, your delegates.
True communication requires a connection between people. When you want to build rapport with someone at work, at home, on a course, in a relationship, when trying to sell something or when trying to buy something, you should consider the following tips:
Learn all the skills you need to build rapport with your delegates on our Train the Trainer Course.
First Impressions
It may seem unfair that we are judged on our appearance but research indicates that people form a lasting impression of us within the first five minutes of meeting. Make sure you make a great first impression by dressing to impress, smiling and being assertive (which also leads to greater self-confidence!) and giving a firm handshake.
Finding Common Ground
Finding common ground or common interests is a good way to start a conversation. For example talk about work, sport or children and remember this common ground for future conversations. People will be much more open and trusting if they recognise a bond between you. Read the rest of "Building Rapport With Just About Anyone"
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie
The fear of failure and rejection can stop us becoming the person we want to be. The more we resist challenging ourselves and facing our fears the smaller our world will become because we are putting limits on what we can achieve. This will have a negative impact on our confidence and how happy we feel both at home and at work.
On the Confidence and Assertiveness course we examine how confronting fear plays a big part in being assertive and pro-active. At work we might have to challenge someone’s behaviour, do a presentation or say no to someone when asked to do additional work. Fear in these instances can vary in their degree of severity but there is always an element of risk to the ‘doer’ and thoughts like, ‘what if they don’t like me’, ‘I might mess it all up’ and ‘what if I make the situation more difficult for myself?’ can be common. When we have negative or self-doubting thoughts it can lead to more anxiety and stress, which only encourages inaction and makes matters worse in the long term. So how do we manage our fear so that we can communicate effectively, behave more confidently and get the results we want?
Well first let’s look at how fear affects us. When we feel threatened the oldest part of our brain the amygdala, which is part of the limbic system that controls our emotions, triggers the release of stress hormones into our bloodstream including adrenaline and cortisol. These result in us experiencing a fight/flight/freeze response; causing physiological changes to our body like sweating, rapid breathing and a raised heart beat and emotions like anger, surprise and anxiety. Together these factors determine our subsequent actions or inactions, which are likely to be negative and not conducive to a healthy life approach.
A lack of confidence in the workplace is something that affects almost everyone at some point. Whether it’s at an interview, the first day of a new job, after receiving criticism or when given additional responsibility – sometimes you just need to take a bit of time to address your confidence levels and take ownership of improving them.
The best route to becoming more confident in work situations begins with deciding to do something about it. Low self-confidence is a self-fulfilling prophecy – the more you indulge your thoughts about how low your confidence is, the lower your confidence will become. We offer a 2-day course in Assertiveness and Confidence Building, run by great trainers who are really dedicated to teaching you strategies for effective workplace communication and relationships.
To get you started, here are some confidence building exercises to try.
Even if you don’t want to try all these exercises at once, you can pick and choose depending on the situation. The main thing is that you do take action. Knowing that you’re taking responsibility for improving your confidence will – guess what – start improving it.
Exercise 1: List your strengths
Write down what you think your strengths are, even if you think they go unnoticed. Next, list the strengths you think others see in you – things that people say you are good at, even if you don’t agree. Why did some things go on the second list, but not the first? Trust the judgement of others.
Exercise 2: Practice confident body language
Lots of confidence guides recommend assuming the body language of a confident person – and for good reason. This has two benefits: making others believe you are confident and eager and because your body language has a direct effect on your psychological state. In effect, you’re convincing yourself of your own confidence. Read the rest of "How to be Confident – 5 Confidence Building Exercises"
“Never feel bad for being assertive, speaking your mind, and putting your foot down. What you think is anger, others see as a good solid display of self-esteem. ” – Alison James
This guest post from our Assertiveness & Confidence Building trainer Sofie explains how assertiveness leads to improved self-confidence. The full 2-day workshop covers techniques for confidence building and boosting self esteem.
Positive communication
It is important to note that being assertive is not about being aggressive.
Assertiveness is a form of positive communication that can be learnt and applied to all areas of your life. It is the skill of knowing and defending your rights but at the same time understanding that others have rights too.
When someone is asserting themselves their primary focus should be on reaching a joint solution, which meets the needs of both people involved. In other words ‘I’m OK and you’re OK’. It is not about getting angry or making someone bow to your demands. This type of aggressive communication is manipulative and threatening and not at all considerate of other people. Equally other non-assertive ways to communicate include passive and passive-aggressive behaviours. Read the rest of "How Being Assertive Leads to Greater Self-Confidence"
During the time period in which she wrote her latest book, however, her capacity for positive thinking was tested to it’s limits. Until she told me her story I used to think of the profound words of wisdom from Big Brothers’ Josie ”Whenever I feel a bit low, I think about that woman who got her face ripped off by a chimpanzee “. Now I just think of Sue! She is brilliant, always smiling, brimming with ideas for her next project, I can’t think of anyone better to write a great positive thinking book.
I asked Sue for a few words about her book, she sent me this, suggesting we cut it by half and edit it to have more emphasis on positive thinking, but I think it’s just perfect as it is.
Thinking Positively
Brilliant Positive Thinking by Sue Hadfield
It takes four and a half hours to fly from Luxor to Gatwick. In April this year I spent the whole of the flight wondering if I would be totally blind by the time I stepped off the plane.
A week previously, with my husband, Greg, we had booked into a luxury resort hotel, on an island in the Nile, near Luxor. Holidaying without our children for the past ten years had meant that we could dispense with package holidays and be more independent: Greek island hopping, driving around Sicily, touring Libya, visiting New Delhi, Eastern Europe and America.
But this holiday was different: I’d just finished writing a book and we had decided on a relaxing holiday for a change. Earlier in the year we’d been burgled and my laptop was stolen. It contained the first half of the book (and no, it wasn’t backed up). Writing for me means no reading for pleasure and so I intended to lie in the sun, swim in the pool and catch up on my reading.
On the first night (after being delighted by the island, our apartment, the choice of restaurants and infinity pools) I sat in front of the bathroom mirror and started to apply my makeup. I closed my right eye and drew on the eyeliner, then I closed my left eye and my reflection vanished. There was a diagonal line across my vision – the top third of the room I could see – the rest was a wall of grey.
The young hotel doctor was reassuring and gave me eye drops – saying it was probably eye strain but to come back if it didn’t improve. It didn’t. We googled the symptoms and diagnosed a detached retina. He took us to ‘the eye doctor’ in Luxor. We found ourselves in a pot holed, back street, climbing three flights of outside steps to a Spartan room containing a wooden bench, an old Egyptian woman, an eye chart and some basic equipment. The eye doctor took one look at my eye and said that the retina was detached, that we must get to Cairo immediately for an operation but that we mustn’t fly because of the pressure. Read the rest of "Thinking Positively – The Way to Start the New Year"
Feeling angry can be a very scary experience for you and for those around you who have to witness your anger. Everyone gets angry from time to time, but it’s important to manage your emotions and not let them get out of control, or you risk causing emotional or physical damage to yourself or others. You don’t have to be ashamed if you feel you need help. If you have an iPhone, here are some great apps you can download that will help you effectively manage your anger.
When you’re feeling like your anger is out of control, use this app to help you take a break. You simply tap the screen, and each time it will say out loud in a male or female voice, “I need a break.” Every tap will make the screen lighten, going from a dark red color and an angry face to something more calm. This tool helps you to visualize calming down, and it encourages you to take ten deep breaths and count backwards, which is a helpful tool in managing anger. There is also a story you can listen to that will help you put your anger in perspective. Designed as an Anger Management Tool for Autism, Down Syndrome and Special Needs, although it works for anyone. Read the rest of "Anger Management Apps"
Here at Silicon Beach Training we’re immensely proud of the quality of training that we provide – and we love teaching other people how to deliver great training sessions too, via our Train the Trainer course.
Knowing your subject matter is only part of being able to deliver great training. Understanding how adults learn, engaging with them effectively, and planning your training session properly are all essential to ensuring that attendees understand and retain what you teach them.
In this video, filmed on one of our Train the Trainer courses – our trainer Mary guides delegates through the stages of planning and designing an effective training session.
We’ve summarised the video below with some great tips on how to plan your own session.
These are edited highlights of this section of our workshop. We cover a lot more besides on out 2-day train the trainer course here in Brighton, Sussex – so why not come along and hone your training technique?
Train the Trainer: Planning a 10 Minute Training Session – Top Tips
When you plan a training session, its not just about what subjects you’re going to cover when. A well planned training session will provide the following elements for each stage:
Content
Questioning Techniques
Activities
During our Train the Trainer course each delegate is asked to deliver and refine their own short training session. This is broadly broken down as follows:
“A good listener tries to understand thoroughly what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but before he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is…” (Kenneth A. Wells)
Listening is one of the most useful skills we can have. How well we listen has a major impact on how we do our job, and on the quality of our relationships with others.
Active Listening intentionally focuses on who you are listening to, whether in a group or one-on-one, in order to understand what he or she is saying. As the listener, you should then be able to repeat back in your own words what they have said to their satisfaction. This does not mean you agree with, but rather understand, what they are saying.
Active Listening is a key business skill, and is covered on our Management Skills trainingcourse as well as our Leadership trainingcourse in Brighton, Sussex. We also offer a course specifically on Active Listening Skills which can be arranged on a private or on-site basis if you want to focus on this topic alone.
Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. Often when people talk to each other, they don’t listen attentively. They are often distracted, half listening, half thinking about something else.
For example: When people are engaged in a conflict, they are often busy formulating a response to what is being said. They assume that they have heard what their opponent is saying many times before, so rather than paying attention; they focus on how they can respond to win the argument.
Are you a good listener? Think about your relationships with the people in your life – your boss, colleagues, subordinates, best friend, and spouse. If asked, what would they say about how well you listened? Do you often misunderstand assignments or only vaguely remember what people have said to you. If so, you may need to improve your listening skills. The first step is to understand how the listening process works.
Four Steps to Active Listening
Hearing. At this stage, you simply pay attention to make sure you hear the message.
Interpretation. If you fail to interpret a speaker’s word correctly it may lead to a misunderstanding.
Evaluation. Decide what to do with the information you have received.
Respond. This is a verbal or visual response that lets the speaker know whether you have gotten the message and what your reaction is.
Active Listening Tips:
Don’t talk-listen. People like to have a chance to get their own ideas or opinions across. A good listener lets them do it.
Don’t jump to conclusions. Many people will tune out a speaker when they think they have the general idea of the conversation.
Ask questions. It’s perfectly acceptable to say, “Do you mean….?” or “Did I understand you to say….?”
Overlook a speech problem, a twitch, or sexist language. Paying too much attention to these types of distractions can break your concentration.
Keep an open mind. The point of listening it to gain new information.
Listen to others’ points of view and ideas. It could turn out to be fascinating.
Provide feedback. Make eye contact, nod your head and if appropriate, interject a comment such as “I see,” etc.
A lack of confidence in the workplace is something that affects almost everyone at some point. Whether it’s at an interview, the first day of a new job, after receiving criticism or when given additional responsibility – sometimes you just need to take a bit of time to address your confidence levels and take ownership of improving them.
“Never feel bad for being assertive, speaking your mind, and putting your foot down. What you think is anger, others see as a good solid display of self-esteem. ” – Alison James
“A good listener tries to understand thoroughly what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but before he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is…” (Kenneth A. Wells)
