Archives for the Assertiveness category

In this post our trainer Shaun guides you through how to forge strong relationships with the different people you meet each day including, if you’re a trainer, your delegates.

True communication requires a connection between people. When you want to build rapport with someone at work, at home, on a course, in a relationship, when trying to sell something or when trying to buy something, you should consider the following tips:

Learn all the skills you need to build rapport with your delegates on our Train the Trainer Course.

First Impressions

It may seem unfair that we are judged on our appearance but research indicates that people form a lasting impression of us within the first five minutes of meeting. Make sure you make a great first impression by dressing to impress, smiling and being assertive (which also leads to greater self-confidence!) and giving a firm handshake.

Finding Common Ground

Finding common ground or common interests is a good way to start a conversation. For example talk about work, sport or children and remember this common ground for future conversations. People will be much more open and trusting if they recognise a bond between you. Read the rest of "Building Rapport With Just About Anyone"

Posted by Shaun in Assertiveness, Business Skills, Human Resources, News, Personal Development, Train the Trainer on January 11th, 2013| No Comments »

Practical Ways to Manage F.E.A.R

(or ‘false evidence that appears real’)

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie

The fear of failure and rejection can stop us becoming the person we want to be. The more we resist challenging ourselves and facing our fears the smaller our world will become because we are putting limits on what we can achieve. This will have a negative impact on our confidence and how happy we feel both at home and at work.

On the Confidence and Assertiveness course we examine how confronting fear plays a big part in being assertive and pro-active. At work we might have to challenge someone’s behaviour, do a presentation or say no to someone when asked to do additional work. Fear in these instances can vary in their degree of severity but there is always an element of risk to the ‘doer’ and thoughts like, ‘what if they don’t like me’, ‘I might mess it all up’ and ‘what if I make the situation more difficult for myself?’ can be common. When we have negative or self-doubting thoughts it can lead to more anxiety and stress, which only encourages inaction and makes matters worse in the long term. So how do we manage our fear so that we can communicate effectively, behave more confidently and get the results we want?

Well first let’s look at how fear affects us. When we feel threatened the oldest part of our brain the amygdala, which is part of the limbic system that controls our emotions, triggers the release of stress hormones into our bloodstream including adrenaline and cortisol. These result in us experiencing a fight/flight/freeze response; causing physiological changes to our body like sweating, rapid breathing and a raised heart beat and emotions like anger, surprise and anxiety. Together these factors determine our subsequent actions or inactions, which are likely to be negative and not conducive to a healthy life approach.

Here are some tips on how you can manage fear and get positive results… Read the rest of "Practical Ways to Manage Fear (False Evidence that Appears Real)"

Posted by Sofie in Assertiveness, News, Personal Development on September 28th, 2012| No Comments »

A lack of confidence in the workplace is something that affects almost everyone at some point. Whether it’s at an interview, the first day of a new job, after receiving criticism or when given additional responsibility – sometimes you just need to take a bit of time to address your confidence levels and take ownership of improving them.

The best route to becoming more confident in work situations begins with deciding to do something about it. Low self-confidence is a self-fulfilling prophecy – the more you indulge your thoughts about how low your confidence is, the lower your confidence will become. We offer a 2-day course in Assertiveness and Confidence Building, run by great trainers who are really dedicated to teaching you strategies for effective workplace communication and relationships.

To get you started, here are some confidence building exercises to try.

Even if you don’t want to try all these exercises at once, you can pick and choose depending on the situation. The main thing is that you do take action. Knowing that you’re taking responsibility for improving your confidence will – guess what – start improving it.

Exercise 1: List your strengths

Write down what you think your strengths are, even if you think they go unnoticed. Next, list the strengths you think others see in you – things that people say you are good at, even if you don’t agree. Why did some things go on the second list, but not the first? Trust the judgement of others.

Exercise 2: Practice confident body language

Lots of confidence guides recommend assuming the body language of a confident person – and for good reason. This has two benefits: making others believe you are confident and eager and because your body language has a direct effect on your psychological state. In effect, you’re convincing yourself of your own confidence. Read the rest of "How to be Confident – 5 Confidence Building Exercises"

Posted by Andy Trainer in Assertiveness, News, Personal Development on May 28th, 2012| 2 Comments »

“Never feel bad for being assertive, speaking your mind, and putting your foot down. What you think is anger, others see as a good solid display of self-esteem. ”  – Alison James

This guest post from our Assertiveness & Confidence Building trainer Sofie explains how assertiveness leads to improved self-confidence. The full 2-day workshop covers techniques for confidence building and boosting self esteem.

Positive communication

It is important to note that being assertive is not about being aggressive.

Assertiveness is a form of positive communication that can be learnt and applied to all areas of your life. It is the skill of knowing and defending your rights but at the same time understanding that others have rights too.

When someone is asserting themselves their primary focus should be on reaching a joint solution, which meets the needs of both people involved. In other words ‘I’m OK and you’re OK’. It is not about getting angry or making someone bow to your demands. This type of aggressive communication is manipulative and threatening and not at all considerate of other people. Equally other non-assertive ways to communicate include passive and passive-aggressive behaviours. Read the rest of "How Being Assertive Leads to Greater Self-Confidence"

Posted by Sofie in Assertiveness, Business Skills, Guest Blogs, News, Personal Development on February 10th, 2012| 1 Comment »

I have great admiration for my friend Sue Hadfield, she is a well respected assertiveness trainer. She is also the co-author of How to be Assertive in Any Situation and Bounce: Use the Power of Resilience to Live the Life You Want. Her most recent publication is Brilliant Positive Thinking. If you want to start the New Year with a positive attitude you should read this book.

During the time period in which she wrote her latest book, however, her capacity for positive thinking  was tested to it’s limits. Until she told me her story I used to think of the profound words of wisdom from Big Brothers’ Josie ”Whenever I feel a bit low, I think about that woman who got her face ripped off by a chimpanzee “. Now I just think of Sue! She is brilliant, always smiling, brimming with ideas for her next project, I can’t think of anyone better to write a great positive thinking book.

I asked Sue for a few words about her book, she sent me this, suggesting we cut it by half and edit it to have more emphasis on positive thinking, but I think it’s just perfect as it is.

Thinking Positively

Brilliant Positive Thinking by Sue Hadfield

It takes four and a half hours to fly from Luxor to Gatwick. In April this year I spent the whole of the flight wondering if I would be totally blind by the time I stepped off the plane.

A week previously, with my husband, Greg, we had booked into a luxury resort hotel, on an island in the Nile, near Luxor. Holidaying without our children for the past ten years had meant that we could dispense with package holidays and be more independent: Greek island hopping, driving around Sicily, touring Libya, visiting New Delhi, Eastern Europe and America.

But this holiday was different: I’d just finished writing a book and we had decided on a relaxing holiday for a change.  Earlier in the year we’d been burgled and my laptop was stolen. It contained the first half of the book (and no, it wasn’t backed up). Writing for me means no reading for pleasure and so I intended to lie in the sun, swim in the pool and catch up on my reading.

On the first night (after being delighted by the island, our apartment, the choice of restaurants and infinity pools) I sat in front of the bathroom mirror and started to apply my makeup. I closed my right eye and drew on the eyeliner, then I closed my left eye and my reflection vanished. There was a diagonal line across my vision – the top third of the room I could see – the rest was a wall of grey.

The young hotel doctor was reassuring and gave me eye drops – saying it was probably eye strain but to come back if it didn’t improve. It didn’t. We googled the symptoms and diagnosed a detached retina. He took us to ‘the eye doctor’ in Luxor. We found ourselves in a pot holed, back street, climbing three flights of outside steps to a Spartan room containing a wooden bench, an old Egyptian woman, an eye chart and some basic equipment. The eye doctor took one look at my eye and said that the retina was detached, that we must get to Cairo immediately for an operation but that we mustn’t fly because of the pressure. Read the rest of "Thinking Positively – The Way to Start the New Year"

Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness, News, Personal Development on December 23rd, 2011| No Comments »

There’s an app to sort out everything these days. In fact the app development business is so strong we have had to develop two exciting new courses to meet demand. We now provide Android App Development courses and iPhone App development courses in addition to our general Mobile Development and Design workshops.

Feeling angry can be a very scary experience for you and for those around you who have to witness your anger. Everyone gets angry from time to time, but it’s important to manage your emotions and not let them get out of control, or you risk causing emotional or physical damage to yourself or others. You don’t have to be ashamed if you feel you need help. If you have an iPhone, here are some great apps you can download that will help you effectively manage your anger.

Calm Counter

iPhone – £1.99

When you’re feeling like your anger is out of control, use this app to help you take a break. You simply tap the screen, and each time it will say out loud in a male or female voice, “I need a break.” Every tap will make the screen lighten, going from a dark red color and an angry face to something more calm. This tool helps you to visualize calming down, and it encourages you to take ten deep breaths and count backwards, which is a helpful tool in managing anger. There is also a story you can listen to that will help you put your anger in perspective. Designed as an Anger Management Tool for Autism, Down Syndrome and Special Needs, although it works for anyone. Read the rest of "Anger Management Apps"

Posted by Guest Author in Assertiveness, Guest Blogs, Mobile, News, Personal Development on December 16th, 2011| No Comments »

assertiveness training - stop worrying what other people think

People who suffer from a compulsion to please others in order to gain approval, or the feel constant fear of the disapproval of others usually have low self esteem. We offer effective an thought provoking Assertiveness and Confidence Building Course in Brighton, Sussex. For more information on the next Assertiveness Training Course call 01273 622272.

Do You Suffer from an Addiction to the Opinions of Others?

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you worry about what others people are saying or think about you?
• Are you sometimes afraid to act even when you think you have a good idea or your intentions are good?
• Do you spend more than you need to on clothes, cars,  home furnishings etc?
• Do you constantly seek approval or avoid disapproval?
• Are you afraid to speak in public?
• Are you afraid to speak your mind?

The addiction to approval otherwise known as the disease to please, can get in the way of living. It is impossible to practice healthy assertiveness if you are constantly afraid of disapproval. Does it really matter what someone else thinks?

Decisions that are inhibited by worry about what other people might think are driven by a need for approval, and/or ensuring that we don’t receive disapproval from others. The need for approval has been conditioned in us from the day we were born.

Many believe that approval from others builds a sense of higher self-esteem, however to constantly deny oneself in order to appease does exactly the opposite. Why then do we convince ourselves that the recognition of others matters to our self worth and how deeply we value ourselves.
Before making any life changing decisions we worry what our spouses, family, friends and colleagues will think of us. Of course when the lives of others will be affected by a decision this may need to be factored in, but what they they will think of us should bear little weight, and sometimes we need to make decisions that others will not be pleased about.  For example sometimes it is necessary to make decisions to change a situation that is making you increasingly miserable despite the consequences. A career change, a house move, or ending a relationship for example. Sometimes the only solution is to do what is right for you, no matter the outcome. When you are able to let go of caring too much about what other people think and make your decisions free and clear of other people’s opinions, you can easily and powerfully move forward and make changes in your life.

This doesn’t just apply to the big decisions either, a new haircut, a new routine, giving up a responsibility that has got too much, all decisions can be effected by worrying too much about what others might think.

Some people sweat over every detail before taking a decision, they do not ask for advise but they take a lot of time and worry about every detail.  They choose to make their decisions on their own as a way of avoiding being rejected. Others constantly seek the opinions of others, asking for their approval in ways such as, “Do you agree?,” “Am I right?,” “Do I look OK?,” and  “Am I doing the right thing” They simply can’t move forward without the validation from others.

Have you ever come up with an idea that you thought was brilliant, just to be knocked back by a lack or support or a derogatory comment. You have allowed someone else to stop you before you ever had the chance to get your idea off the ground. Your dream just died because the opinion of someone meant more to you than your dream. What makes their opinion more important than your brilliant idea? – You do! Imagine if the founders of Apple, Facebook and Google gave up the first time someone told them “no”.

An addiction to the opinion of others affects every area of your life, it represses us, it stunts our creativity, it lowers our self esteem (even though we do it for the opposite effect – how mad is that?) “If I do this, they will say that. ” “If I say that they will do this” If you let yourself  constantly worry about other peoples opinions you will never be happy because you will always believe that people are judging you. Also if people are judging you  – what makes their opinion more important than yours? – You do! Wake up – it is not easy being miserable so that everyone else is OK and thinks that you are great. The truth is probably more like people will have more respect for you if you are not afraid to respectfully share your opinions, and if you have the confidence to challenge people or situations when you feel it necessary. OK you may find yourself in some difficult situations at first (difficult for you because you will usually avoid confrontation at all costs even to your own detriment) , but people will have to treat you differently or at least acknowledge your opinion  and that can feel liberating, magic even if you are not used to it. Nothing is for ever, every mood and situation passes, and it’s OK to do something even if it doesn’t suit everybody.

When we believe our opinion counts and make decisions, do things and say things independently, regardless of others opinions we are more likely to make decisions that move our life forward because we’re no longer holding ourselves back. Remember that – it’s not those other people who hold us back – we give them control without even letting them know! To live according to the opinion of someone else  is to hold yourself back.

It takes practice and courage to not place any level of importance on someone else’s opinion. Remember, an opinion is not fact. It may not even be the truth. It is merely someone else’s view about an issue that is based solely on personal judgement and therefore should not have any impact on your choices!

Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness, News, Personal Development on September 24th, 2010| 2 Comments »

say no to pushy salespeople

Have you ever signed up for something when you really didn’t want to? Good sales people spend months, sometimes years learning to break down your resistance to the NO word. Of course you could always enrol onto our brilliant Assertiveness Training course in Brighton, Sussex, to make it easier (next one is 14th and  15th Oct 2010), meanwhile…

Learning to recognise some of these familiar sales techniques may save you from signing up to a spectacularly unmissable waste of time and money!! …

1. People feel obliged to return a favour – right? Sales people exploit this by offering you small favour before getting you to sign you life away! Remember they are not really doing you a favour – REMEMBER IT’S ALL A BIG PLAN TO PART YOU WITH YOUR MONEY.
2. When you are made to believe something is rare (”a limited time offer!”),  you want it for fear that you will lose out. If it’s not still available later/tomorrow next week etc. YOU DON’T WANT IT.
3. Sales people seek to find things in common with their victims, tell jokes, and pay compliments. Flattery, common interest, interest in your family/work/holiday etc, will get them everywhere. THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED IT IS ALL A PLOY.
4. Sales People convince their marks that they are experts in order to gain control of you. That’s why they pin pictures of themselves posing with famous people on their walls. REMEMBER YOU KNOW BEST.
5. People are like sheep. A Salesman will try and convince you, and often show some kind of proof that everyone else has signed up/bought in. It’s called the “social proof” technique. DON’T WORRY YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HASN’T GOT ONE!
6. Sales people will set you up by asking you a question to which you will proudly admit yes to. for example “Other people think you are a great photographer right?” oooo I want it already, what is it? REMEMBER THEY SAY THAT TO ALL THE GUYS/GIRLS.

So now you are prepared you should be able to fend them off! Of course if you find it difficult to say no generally you could enrol on our Assertiveness Training course, it’s great for Confidence Building. If you spend all your time on the phone being sold stuff you could come on our Time Management Training courses, and if you want your staff to use all the above to your advantage you could organise a telephone sales training course for them so that they can become annoyingly difficult to say NO to!

Posted by Heather Buckley in Assertiveness, Business Skills, News, Personal Development on August 25th, 2010| 3 Comments »